Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
