I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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