So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
