I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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