A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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