No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
