I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
and she was petting her beer can
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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