Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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