all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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