so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
