His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours