I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.