I puked a lego.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder