you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.