oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.