piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
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Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
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BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome