I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
