FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
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This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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