What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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