mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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