I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
