So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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