he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
