Can Purell be used as lube?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the condom got lost in my hair
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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