Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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