If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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