are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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