Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just gargled with NyQuil
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
