Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
