That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
