Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize