I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
