It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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