Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
