batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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