I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
