I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
