I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
