i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
