great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
