Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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