I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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