Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
