2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize