just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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