everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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