I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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