***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
