wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
