i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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