Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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