I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
