Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
