I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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