moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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