If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
