shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
did you just send me my own nude
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize