false alarm. still invincible.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
