Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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