i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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