Swine flu. Run for my life!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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