you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she smelled like a LAN party
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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