Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
high people should be assigned attendants
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
