I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
