He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
