You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
should my penis look like a turkey
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
