I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We are all done wearing pants today
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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