u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
