I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize