Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
