She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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