my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
