The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
