do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
