You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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