Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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