i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
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We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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