u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
