can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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