Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize