is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
