So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
