Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
