dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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