I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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