D3 body, D1 cock
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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