i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
