Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
