What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
