We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
