You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
