The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
