have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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